Grey Jello

During my counseling session yesterday morning, I described the mild depression I’ve had for the past few weeks. My counselor told me that a friend of hers calls what I’ve been experiencing “grey jello.” I love that. So I’m stealing it.

For me, this condition usually involves general feelings of sadness, a lack of creativity and inspiration, very little desire to do any more laundry, cooking or cleaning than what’s absolutely necessary, and consuming large amounts of junky carbs. I also spend less time with friends, hovering on the line that separates healthy solitude from not so healthy isolation. And there are a few tears here and there.

I know deep down that the grey jello will eventually clear. There is a part of me that worries about this being the beginning of a major depression episode, though, because that’s always a possibility with bipolar disorder. So I’m doing what I know to do to move this along and to prevent the spiral into the depths of a this-must-be-hell level of depression:

• I’m staying engaged with my husband and children.
• I’m exercising most days.
• I’m paying attention to the hopeful signs of spring during my strolls with Happy. (Isn’t it ironic that we adopted a dog named Happy?)
• I’m planning coffee dates with close friends who are okay with me being a little on the gloomy side.
• I’m listening to The Beatles.
• I’m attempting to eat a balanced, healthy diet.
• I’m offering myself grace after I give in to my junky carb cravings.
• I’m implementing a bit of retail therapy. Because shoes have less calories than junky carbs.
• I’m practicing cognitive behavioral therapy when toxic, untrue thoughts force themselves into my brain.
• I’m praying for this to end ASAP.
• And I’m writing about it. Because putting it out here on the interwebs seems to lighten the load.

I hope to be on the other side of this funk in the very near future. In the meantime, I’ll be wearing my new pewter Dr. Scholl’s “Dance” shoes to coffee with friends, gazing at the blooming forsythia and humming “Here Comes the Sun.”