Grey Jello

During my counseling session yesterday morning, I described the mild depression I’ve had for the past few weeks. My counselor told me that a friend of hers calls what I’ve been experiencing “grey jello.” I love that. So I’m stealing it.

For me, this condition usually involves general feelings of sadness, a lack of creativity and inspiration, very little desire to do any more laundry, cooking or cleaning than what’s absolutely necessary, and consuming large amounts of junky carbs. I also spend less time with friends, hovering on the line that separates healthy solitude from not so healthy isolation. And there are a few tears here and there.

I know deep down that the grey jello will eventually clear. There is a part of me that worries about this being the beginning of a major depression episode, though, because that’s always a possibility with bipolar disorder. So I’m doing what I know to do to move this along and to prevent the spiral into the depths of a this-must-be-hell level of depression:

  • I’m staying engaged with my husband and children.
  • I’m exercising most days.
  • I’m paying attention to the hopeful signs of spring during my strolls with Happy. (Isn’t it ironic that we adopted a dog named Happy?)
  • I’m planning coffee dates with close friends who are okay with me being a little on the gloomy side.
  • I’m listening to The Beatles.
  • I’m attempting to eat a balanced, healthy diet.
  • I’m offering myself grace after I give in to my junky carb cravings.
  • I’m implementing a bit of retail therapy. Because shoes have less calories than junky carbs.
  • I’m practicing cognitive behavioral therapy when toxic, untrue thoughts force themselves into my brain.
  • I’m praying for this to end ASAP.
  • And I’m writing about it. Because putting it out here on the interwebs seems to lighten the load.

I hope to be on the other side of this funk in the very near future. In the meantime, I’ll be wearing my new pewter Dr. Scholl’s “Dance” shoes┬áto coffee with friends, gazing at the blooming forsythia and humming “Here Comes the Sun.”





Filed under Hope, Life

4 Responses to Grey Jello

  1. Reeves

    You better wear those new shoes when we meet!
    You know I love some retail therapy!
    Love you friend!

  2. Charlotte

    I’ll be sure to do so. Looking forward to hanging out soon!

  3. Amy Cole

    I love this post because you are being real and honest. Thanks for posting and I’m thinking and praying for you from a few states away.

  4. Charlotte

    Thanks, Amy. I appreciate it!

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